


Bathed in Light

by CartoonJessie



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Star Wars AU, reylo au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2018-06-04 07:36:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6648283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CartoonJessie/pseuds/CartoonJessie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Having escaped Jakku in search of her family by stealing one of Unkar Plutt’s “trophy ships”—stolen from others in various states of disrepair, symbols of his self-proclaimed cleverness—Rey is stranded in dead space when the ship is damaged beyond repair in a violent and unexpected magnetic storm. Kylo Ren, returning from a mission for the First Order, comes across the Millennium Falcon in bad shape, and thinks to take advantage of a situation that seems almost like divine intervention. The truly divine intervention comes when it is not his estranged father Han Solo he finds aboard, but a young, strong Force-sensitive, untrained and in desperate need of help.<br/>Having lived her whole life preoccupied with scavenging just to feed herself by the end of the day and survive to see another dawn, Rey has never so much as heard the name Kylo Ren before. She only knows him as the man who saved her life and offered her food and shelter, and asked nothing in return. Her trust in him is almost like a second chance—one he would have to be stupid to turn away.<br/>And Kylo Ren is many things, but he is not a stupid man.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The amazing summary and plot bunny came from a Tumblr post by lucmorningstar.   
> (Link: http://lucmorningstar.tumblr.com/post/142958983652/lucmorningstar-having-escaped-jakku-in-search )  
> I could not put down the idea, and here is me writing my very first Reylo story set in the actual Star Wars universe.   
> (No worries, The Only Exception will continue asap as well! Working hard on two stories at the same time. I'm hoping the month May will be kind on my writing time.) 
> 
> Hope you enjoy the story!

Kylo Ren honestly didn’t know what to expect when he boarded the Millennium Falcon. As he looked around the ship, the lights flickered and revealed a strange, green gas that hung above the floor. A conduit must have blown – and no doubt about it that the gas had by now poisoned the crew – if they had not frozen to death – wherever they were.

Perhaps it was for the best if Han Solo was dead already. Perhaps Kylo could even make it look as though he had delivered the killing blow to the man he had once called father, so that Snoke would be convinced of his loyalty to him. Perhaps he had to look upon this situation as a gift – a sign that the Force wanted him to leave behind his doubts – that he had to put aside the guilt and insecurity he felt and be who he was born to be. After all, most of his dreams were of darkness – of death and blood by his own hands – and those few dreams of light that sometimes plagued him were just that: dreams. Never would he hug his mother again, or embrace his father, or dance with a beautiful girl… Those dreams were Ben Solo’s, and Snoke had buried that foolish boy ages ago. It was about time Kylo did the same.

But his focus was horribly off, and he knew it. It had been since the moment he had spotted the Millennium Falcon on his sensors. He had tried to probe if there were any survivors, but the Force had not cooperated. The Force was strong and agitated around him today, wild and beating and skittish and making him nervous in return. It was unpredictable, yet at the same time it was so self-certain that it calmed him as well. Perhaps all the Force was, was excited, and that gave him courage in return. Part of him could not help but think that it was guiding him – that what he would find today would be a catalyst for his future. Maybe he would finally be able to put his troubled past behind him if he dared to see for himself what had become of the crew of this old ship.

So he braced himself for whatever body he would find as he headed towards the cockpit of the ship he had once been so familiar with. Would the horrific image he expected to find haunt him, like he was haunted by so many of his kills, or would it make him stronger with the Force? According to Snoke, horror was one of the many fuels to the dark side. And though Kylo felt very strong at times, he feared he would never be as strong as Darth Vader. He sometimes even believed that being witness to horrors would break him down instead. Or perhaps it was just what he needed to break down Ben Solo once and for all.

The cockpit was empty though, and the sigh of relief that he let out even surprised himself.

But the ship was a bit larger than that, and he found himself heading to the bunks, gun wells, storage area and escape pods, checking where the crew was, his lightsaber in hand, though not ignited just yet.

Strangely enough, the entire ship was deserted, and he wondered how anyone could have made it out. Had another ship picked up the crew? The idea itself was ridiculous. On his sensors he had seen how the ship had been struck by a magnetic storm – the storm that had kept him from boarding the ship for several hours. How could any other ship have beaten him to the punch? His instruments had not picked up any ships leaving or approaching the Millennium Falcon. So how long exactly had the ship been adrift in space without a crew?

He was about to believe that the ship truly was deserted when he heard something – a cough – so soft that he had hardly heard it over the sound of the breathing apparatus in his mask. Looking around, his eyes fell on the grill and he could not believe he hadn’t thought of checking the area underneath. He himself had once hidden in there during a game of hide and seek with Chewbacca, and the sudden resurgence of that memory and the feelings of bittersweet nostalgia halted him in his steps, his heartbeat a little unsteady before he continued.

He could hear the cough again – the cough of someone dying – and though part of him was begging him to wait a little while longer – to let nature do its work – he had to know who it was right away. He could not wait any longer. The Force was once more urging him to continue.

He opened the grid with a wave of his hand – the Force doing all the work for him – and as he looked down, his lightsaber still in his hand, he felt his heart drop. He had half feared seeing Han Solo or Chewbacca, but what he saw looked far more pathetic.

It was a young girl, dressed in thin rags, an oxygen mask around her mouth, though it didn’t seem to be working. She was suffocating, lying on her side, the oxygen she so desperately needed gone, and she didn’t seem to be aware of him looking down at her.

He saw two other used oxygen masks besides her – and it became clear that she was using the last air she had left – and she would die if he were to leave her now. As he approached her slowly and tried to take her all in through the restricted view of his mask, he felt as though he had seen her before. He just had no idea where.

He had a few options. He could let her suffocate, or he could use his lightsaber and bring her to her death even faster than that. It would be merciful, he thought to himself. Yet the third option was the one that stopped his hand from igniting the lightsaber.

He could save her. Bring her to his ship. Ask her what she knew of Han Solo.

Afterwards, he could drop her off on an inhabited planet, or even take her along with him to Starkiller Base. She could live with him. Perhaps she was nice. Perhaps she even danced.

He shuddered. He had no idea where that idea had come from. It scared him a little.

No, Snoke would never allow him such lovely company. Why had he even thought that in the first place? His mind was all over the place today, and he realized that something was off about his own self-control. He wasn’t close to anger today, far from it, but to silly thoughts and hope. Was the Force playing a cruel game with him? Or was there an actual reason for this hope to surface within himself?

He squinted his eyes as he looked at her. Had he dreamed of her? Had she been the girl in the fancy dress, the one with the wide and radiant smile that had filled his heart with light and love in those few rare dreams that had remained unaffected by Snoke’s hatred of light? But how could that be? How could she be real? Was the Force setting him up? Was he supposed to save her, only to lose her later on? For a life with love and light seemed impossible to him. Surely he was being deceived. Snoke would never allow this, but the Force wanted it, surrounded them both, pushed him closer to her, and he could not turn away.

His hands were trembling now, and not from the cold. He could not choose, did not know how to, not until she coughed again, so violently this time, that he involuntarily dropped on his knee by her side, his gloved hand caressing her ice cold arm. Her eyes opened, tears in them, but she was looking at the wall, not him, perhaps not even aware he was there, and he pitied her so much that he could not wait a moment longer.

Taking a deep breath, he unclicked his mask and put it down beside him. A few swift moves of his hands, and he had undone the oxygen mask from her face, and the next moment, he was lowering his own mask over her head. He could hear how softly she breathed at first, until she became more desperate for the filtered air, allowing her lungs to fill up with oxygen again.

He had held his breath all this while, and he would hold it a little while longer. Lifting her up from the cold floor, with one hand supporting her shoulders and the other underneath her knees, it felt like she weighed nothing at all. How an adult could weigh so little, he did not know, or how someone so cold could still be alive was a mystery to him as well, but he raised himself to his full height, then elegantly jumped up into the corridor, the Force allowing him to do so without needing to catch his breath.

His long legs carried them away from the Millennium Falcon, into his own ship, and as the doors of his shuttle closed behind them, he breathed freely again, realizing how she was beginning to stir in his arms.

“C-cold…” she muttered, shivering now, and he wondered if her eyes were open or closed behind his mask. It was a bit silly, seeing anyone wear his mask, and he brought her to his own bunk, laying her down as carefully as he could before he removed his mask from her head, noticing that her eyes were open now, and she was looking at him with a mix of gratefulness and curiosity in her eyes, though she still seemed a little dazed.

He contemplated putting his mask back on, but instead found himself putting it down on the floor besides him, unable to look away from her eyes. He knew those eyes. He had seen them before.

Her teeth were still clattering, and as he reminded himself of that, he quickly moved a blanket over her, wrapping her up as warmly as he could, even if his ship was pretty cold still.

“Y-you’re safe now,” he found himself say, his voice a little unsteady as he looked at her. He knew Snoke would never approve of this, but the Force that surrounded him did. And did Snoke not always say that he had to let the Force guide him? What if the Force was guiding him right now, and this was more important than anything his mentor had ever told him.

Even if she was still cold, she smiled at him, such a warm and grateful smile that he could almost feel his heart burst. As she reached out her hand for his, he suddenly found himself clinging to her like a lifeline. Whoever she even was, he could feel her light flow from her to him, and for a moment, he just wanted to bask in it.

“Who are you?” he asked breathlessly, tilting his head curiously, still trying to remember from where he knew her eyes.

“Rey,” she replied so softly that he hardly caught her name at all.

An appropriate name, he figured. It suited her.

“You?” she asked hoarsely.

He hesitated. _Kylo. Or Ben?_ He didn’t even know what to reply, and he saw how her gaze grew more suspicious the longer he waited.  

“Kylo,” he eventually said. “Kylo Ren.”

There was shame in his eyes as he admitted who he was, but she did not seem to know him or his reputation at all. She was still smiling, and his heart broke a little.

“Were you alone?” he suddenly asked, wondering if he had somehow overlooked any other crewman the way he almost had her.

She nodded quickly, and he was confused.

“But… were you a stowaway? Where did the actual crew go?” He was still trying to make sense of his find. It just did not make sense to find a girl like her piloting the Millennium Falcon. She looked like a slave of sorts, not like a captain.

Though she wanted to talk, she hardly had a voice. “Water?” she asked quietly, her voice only a whisper, and he quickly realized that her throat had to be aching.

He rushed from her side for a moment, looking for a bottle in one of the cabinets in the shuttle’s bare living quarters, and when he turned around to head back to her, he saw that she was already trying to sit up straight, turning in her spot so she could sit with her back against the wall, and as he approached her, she smiled, indicating that he could sit beside her.

He cautiously sat down next to her, not leaning against the back of the wall as casually as she did, but instead offering her the bottle of water, which she gratefully took after he opened it for her.  She drank from it as though she hadn’t had anything to drink in days. Her hands were still trembling from the cold, but some color had returned to her cheeks.

“Thanks,” she said when she was done drinking, her voice a little louder now, though still soft to Kylo’s ears. She looked around her, and Kylo realized that she had to be wondering where she was.

“You’re aboard my ship,” he quickly assured her, but what she said next surprised him.

“This is an Upsilon-class command shuttle…” She had a small frown on her face as she looked around the bare living quarters. “Manufactured by Sienar-Jaemus Fleet Systems. Durasteel hull. With two SJFS-200a sublight ion engines.”

He hadn’t felt as confused in ages. Was she a robot or a girl? How did she know this much about his ship if she didn’t own one exactly like it?

She suddenly held her breath, as though she was confused to realize who her savior was affiliated with, then asked: “Are you with the First Order?”

As her head snapped back to him, he could see the terror in her eyes, and he once more felt the guilt inside him consume him.

“Is… Is that a problem?” he asked her weakly, clearly ill at ease around her as he had his hands folded in his lap, sitting a little bent over, with his knees at an awkward angle. He looked like an overgrown child – not like a feared knight of Ren should.

She was quiet for a few moments, taking him in. Perhaps the bad things she had heard about the First Order weren’t true for all of its followers. He seemed remarkably gentle to her.

Rey suddenly chuckled. “You’re with the First Order and you’re asking _me_ if that is a problem?”

They both kept quiet as they looked at one another, and as she noticed how uneasy he looked, how guilty, even, she smiled even more. No man without a conscience would look at her like that. If he was truly a monster, then she would have known it by now.

“It’s not a problem,” she assured him. “You saved my life. I’m sorry if I seemed disrespectful just now. The First Order doesn’t have a particularly good reputation on Jakku – but then again, nobody really does in the Outer Rim.”

“You’re from Jakku?”

He knew Jakku, that junkyard of a planet, filled with nothing but scavengers and thieves, and was glad to talk about something other than the First Order. He wasn’t sure if he could have talked about it at all to her. He was convinced he would have just repeated some of the propaganda Hux spouted whenever he was around to hear it, and he definitely didn’t want to emulate Hux during his time with her. In fact, he knew no one to emulate in this situation. Perhaps that explained why he felt so awkward.

She nodded, though she was hesitating. “Sort of,” she said awkwardly. “I mean… I lived there for as long as I can remember, but… I’m quite sure I didn’t always live there. Just a feeling.”

He was intrigued, and without even realizing it, he moved a little closer to her as he asked: “What do you mean?”

She shrugged and averted her eyes from his gaze. “My family left me on Jakku, and they said that they’d be back… I don’t know where they went, or even who they were, but… they were being honest, I know that much… It’s just…” She gulped and he noticed how she had cast down her eyes, not offering him a single glance as she was lost in thought. “I couldn’t wait for them any longer. I had to leave.”

The finality with which she said those last words only worried him, and he asked: “How so?”

She looked up at him now, her gaze a little afraid, but the genuine concern she saw in his eyes made her feel like perhaps she could tell him – and perhaps it was best she did. After all, he was going to want to know how she had gotten that ship.

“I’ve been a scavenger since the first day I was left on Jakku,” she told him softly. “I was about five years old. It was hard making a living at first, but I got really good at it. But they’re never fair with distributing portions. If a piece of equipment makes 10 portions one week, they’ll give you a quarter portion for the same piece the week after, just so you don’t get cocky about your finds, so you can’t make enough to stop working for a day. A month ago or so, Unkar Plutt approached me with an offer… A deal, of sorts…” She looked increasingly ill at ease the longer she continued, but Kylo really wanted to know and did not stop her. “He wanted me as a slave girl. Just for a night. But I refused. At first I thought he was fine with it, but he grew more insistent. He sent his men after me, increased his offer, but I kept refusing, and a few days ago, he sent his men for me in the night. I escaped my home before they could get to me, but I knew I could not return there, and so I did the only thing that made some sense to me… I hid aboard one of Unkar’s own ships – the last place he would look – and in the middle of the night, I took off with it. They chased me for a while, but I lost them in an asteroid belt, and then a few hours later I got stuck in this magnetic storm. The ship got damaged beyond repair, at least for me alone, and I thought I was going to die… And then you showed up.”

Though she had been anxious to share this much of her story with him, she now once more offered him a smile, and despite himself he found the corners of his own mouth twitch for a second, like he was about to smile back, until he said in awe: “What you did was very brave. And I must admit that I’m very impressed. Not only did you manage to leave Jakku singlehandedly with a ship that requires a co-pilot, but you shook off those pursuers in an asteroid belt with nothing but your flying… I can’t even fathom how you would know how to pilot the Millennium Falcon in the first place. You must have some incredible flying skills.”

Rey’s mouth dropped suddenly. “The Millennium Falcon?” she repeated, her voice higher than it had been before and she was nearly bouncing from excitement now. “That ship is the Millennium Falcon? The same ship that made the Kessel Run in fourteen parsecs?!”

“Twelve,” Kylo corrected her with a small frown, confused that she had never before realized what ship she had stolen.

“They say it belonged to Han Solo!” she continued eagerly. “I thought those were just myths!”

Her enthusiasm had a strange effect on him. Not even her mentioning his father’s name fazed him. He could only watch her, completely in awe of all that she was. A scavenger – a nobody – outsmarting a junk boss and stealing the Millennium Falcon from right underneath his nose. No wonder that the ship hadn’t been picked up by the Empire’s scanners for decades – apparently it had been lost by his father long ago.

They suddenly both startled when they heard a loud metal clanging sound echo through their ship. It only took them a second to realize what was going on, and they rushed towards the cockpit of his ship, noticing how another ship was now docked to the Millennium Falcon as well, and Rey clasped her hand in front of her mouth as she recognized the vessel.

“That’s Unkar Plutt’s ship. He has found me.”

She was afraid, fearing that there was nowhere she could run from him. Not just that, but for a moment she feared Kylo was going to turn her over to him. And could she really blame him, if that was what would spare his life too?

Kylo could sense how terrified she was and used her fear to fuel his own anger, and as he headed back towards the living area, he picked up his mask and put it on.

Rey wasn’t intimidated by the mask as he looked back at her, and even though his voice sounded different now, she could hear the sincerity. “You can stay here. I’m not going to let him get to you.”

She was incredibly surprised and also moved by his bravery, but she also feared that it was a mistake. “He’s dangerous. He won’t be alone. I will go with you.”

“No,” he forbade her strictly, pointing a finger at her. “I’ve got this. Trust me. I will be back before you know it.”

As he rushed off towards the Millennium Falcon again and put his hood up, Rey didn’t know what to do. But as she looked around her, she realized that he hadn’t even taken a blaster along. She just couldn’t let him deal with Unkar on his own, unarmed, and headed straight for a cabinet which she knew was supposed to hold oxygen masks. Luckily for her, First Order ships were incredibly predictable and never deviated from their original schematics, and as she put on the oxygen mask, she hoped that this would not be where she said goodbye to Kylo just yet. Truthfully, she had never met anyone like him. Though she was certain she had never met him before, he felt incredibly familiar.

She had never expected to make this sort of connection with anyone – least of all with a man that was with the First Order. But there was more to him than what she had seen, she knew that much, and she hoped she would get a chance to figure him out completely before they parted ways.

She had to think quickly though, or Unkar would have Kylo’s head and his ship. If she could sneak to where she had left her staff, she would at least have that as a weapon, along with the element of surprise. Hopefully it would be enough to save her own savior’s life.

As she opened the door towards the Millennium Falcon, she quickly closed it again behind her, her steps light as she headed towards the cockpit, hearing voices coming from the cargo bay. Once she had her staff, she tip-toed closer, stopping in her tracks when she recognized Unkar Plutt’s voice.

“I must insist upon taking this ship home with me,” Unkar said patiently. “And you did not find a girl when you boarded it?”

“I already told you that I did not. And I’m afraid that I cannot allow you to salvage this ship. It is now claimed by the First Order.”

“Ah, but, you see, it has been in my possession for decades. Bought it fairly from Vanver and Toursant Irving,” Unkar Plutt tried. “I have a deed.”

“A deed for owning a stolen ship? I doubt that holds much weight.” Rey could not help but grin at the sound of his dry tone as he spoke to Unkar. It was funny. “This is the Millennium Falcon, once the ship of Han Solo. The First Order will not allow it to fall into the hands of the Resistance by accident. I realize that this is all very unfortunate for you, but you would be wise to head back to your ship, return home, and forget this ever happened.”

Rey gulped now. Unkar usually did not respond well to diplomacy. And though Unkar feared the First Order in general, like every other person in the Outer Rim, a single soldier was not particularly terrifying. If Unkar Plutt killed Kylo, he would be back home in Jakku with the Millennium Falcon before the First Order even found out what had happened and no one would be able to trace it back to him, he’d make sure of that.

“Need I remind you that there are six of us, and only one of you?”

There was the threat Rey had been expecting, and she listened intently as she heard Kylo reply: “Need I inform you that I am in fact the master of the Knights of Ren, and that I would direct any blaster fire right back at you?”

Though word of the First Order had spread to the Outer Rim, word of the Knights of Ren had not. To the junk boss, it sounded like a hollow threat, and he was unaware of how dangerous Kylo really was. Unkar Plutt just started laughing, and soon his allies joined him, their laughter sounding rather muffled behind the oxygen masks they were all wearing.

“Need I remind you that your fancy title will not protect you from being shot in the head?” Unkar finally retorted, his voice sharp and unforgiving.

Rey clenched her staff tighter in her hands, ready to assist Kylo in any way she could – hoping that he wouldn’t be dead before she could reach him.

“I think you misunderstand me,” Kylo said in a playful tone, his voice almost sounding like a purr through his mask. “It appears my reputation has not proceeded me and that you need a demonstration. Why don’t you shoot one blaster right at me? I will show you what I can do, and let you make up your own mind about who gets to keep the ship.”

Rey had no idea what he was playing at, but could no longer sit still. She carefully looked around the corner of the doorframe, only seeing Kylo as he had his gloved hands raised in surrender, standing completely still as he awaited for them to comply. He was unarmed and though his size and dark clothing was rather intimidating, he was still defenseless in Rey’s eyes.

“Alright. I’ll humor you,” Unkar said, his tone more suspicious now than it had been before. “No hard feelings if I kill you, right?”

“I can’t make any promises,” he replied dryly.

Rey jumped as she heard a blaster get fired, and could not wait any longer. She turned the corner, seeing Unkar and five of his cronies as they looked at Kylo in fear. In front of him, a blaster shot was frozen, held still by nothing but Kylo’s Force powers.

Rey’s mouth dropped, wondering how on earth he was able to do that.

Unkar was beginning to realize what kind of person he was dealing with, and as he saw Rey approach behind Kylo, he suddenly groveled on his knees.

It wasn’t Rey that was making him grovel, it was the realization that this powerful Force-user had protected her. One bad word from Rey about him, and he’d be a goner. He was fast to realize as much.

“Rey, apologies for our misunderstanding of this past week. We have always made such a good team and I regret pushing you away. Please tell this nice Knight of Ren how well I’ve always treated you and come back home. You can wait for your family there in peace. That’s all you want, right?”

Rey narrowed her eyes at him, wondering how he had the audacity to talk to her like that at a time like this.

Kylo turned his head slightly, the blaster shot still frozen in front of his hands. If he was angry that she had disobeyed him, then there was no way to tell for now.

“Rey…” His voice was soft. “Say the word and I will kill him.”

Unkar looked up in fear, wondering if he could really do it, and as Kylo noticed that, he moved the blaster shot towards Unkar, who crawled back in terror.

Rey gulped, looking back at Unkar to see the look of horror on his face. She had wished him dead many times, and she knew that he was horrible to her fellow scavengers on Jakku. If she allowed him to return, then their lives would be miserable like hers had been. Yet if he did not return, the next big bad would just take over, and that would not help anyone either.

“No,” she finally decided, her voice louder than it had been. “Here’s what is going to happen. You’re going to return to Jakku and be grateful that we spared your life, Unkar.” Though her decision was compassionate, her voice was not, and she was seething with hate. “And you’re going to treat the people that scavenge for you fairly. And if any complaints reach our ears, we’re going to come to Jakku and make you pay for it. We know where you live.”

“Of course!” Unkar said quickly, still groveling on his knees. “You are most forgiving! Thank you! Thank you both!”

Kylo could not help but grin behind his mask. She had said ‘we’, and he honestly liked the idea. But he was quick to remind himself that he needed to give the sign that Unkar could go.

“Leave now, and don’t come back,” Kylo said in a threatening growl, and at this Unkar immediately got up and ran off, quickly followed by the other crooks. Less than a minute later, they could hear the docking clam disengage and Unkar’s ship leave.

Kylo released the blaster shot, and as it scorched the wall, Rey jumped a little, looking at Kylo in confusion.

“How did you do that?” she wondered out loud, impressed but also slightly intimidated by his powers.

“I told you to stay in my ship,” he said, his tone annoyed now, and Rey hated that she could not see his expression behind his mask.

“And miss this magic? I don’t think so,” she said with a small grin, lowering her staff as she looked him over curiously. “Let’s get back to your ship… I would rather see your face when you explain your magic to me.”

As she headed back, he realized that his heart was beating painfully fast in his chest. _She wanted to see his face again…_ He hadn’t felt such an adrenaline rush in ages, and it wasn’t because he had almost killed a guy. It was because of her. Because she was still smiling at him – because she still chose to be with him – because she wanted to get to know him.

He hoped that the blush that had risen to his cheeks would be gone by the time he had to remove his helmet again.


	2. Chapter 2

Once more aboard his ship, they headed to the cockpit to check the sensors, just to make sure Unkar was really gone, and once they were assured that he was, Kylo took off his helmet, leading Rey back to the living quarters.

She followed him closely, never taking her curious gaze off him, and he could not look at her when she stared at him like that. Instead, he tried not to turn pink in the face.

“Are you hungry?” he asked, already knowing the answer, and he took a pear out of one of the food cabinets. Instead of just giving her the fruit, he let it float towards her, and her mouth dropped as she picked it out of the sky.

“Amazing!” She examined the pear from all angles, checking for any sort of trickery, before she looked at him again. “How do you even do this?”

“You don’t know?” he asked, really wondering if no one in the Outer Rim knew what the Force was.

Rey shook her head, though she seemed in doubt at the same time. “I mean… It can’t be the Force, can it? I thought that was all just legends...”

She looked so confused that he felt sorry for her, and as he leaned with his back against the wall cabinets, she slowly stepped closer to him, investigating his expression as well as she could.

“Is it the Force?” she asked again, and when he nodded, she gasped in surprise.

His lips curled up to a small smile, the first of many years, as he saw her adorable expression of shock.

“Really?” She bit her lip, wanting to believe him, but not knowing if she could just yet.

He thought he had never seen anyone more beautiful than her in his life. How could she even be so full of light?

“I didn’t know there were Force users in the Galaxy – least of all in the First Order…” She sounded a little wary and simultaneously cleaned the pear with the fabric of her drapes. “Is that why you have that title - Knight of Ren? Is it like a Jedi-title? Are there many like you? Do they all know the Force?”

She was eager to learn all she could, but also incredibly hungry, and after she had fired off those questions, she took a large bite from her pear, moaning softly because of the juicy taste. She had never had any fruit as lovely in her life.

“There aren’t that many,” he admitted. “I think I know – myself included – nine Force users in this galaxy… Though there are probably more alive who have the potential for using it, but they are untrained.”

“And what can you do?” Rey asked, her mouth still full of pear. “Oh! Do you have a lightsaber? Force users always had lightsabers according to the stories!” She took another big bite, and Kylo chuckled as he reached inside his robe and pulled out his lightsaber, causing her to gasp in awe.

“Made it myself,” he added with a hint of pride, remembering all too well how the cracked crystal at his lightsaber’s core had almost killed him during production – twice.

He quite liked to see her so shocked and surprised, and feeling generous, he turned on the lightsaber, seeing Rey’s face light up quite literally because of it, but her amazed expression suddenly fell as she realized something.

“It’s red…”

He didn’t fully understand. “Not your favorite color?”

Rey smiled apologetically, but her enthusiasm was subdued now, and he turned off his lightsaber again, noticing how she seemed to be thinking as he hid his weapon in his robes again.

“Red is the power of the Dark Side, they always said…”

So she knew a little more than he had figured. And now he felt like an idiot. This ray of sunshine had trusted him and cared for him and looked to him as she did to a hero, and now he had basically confessed to being a villain – a murderer – and she seemed to realize just as much.

For a while, they had both believed the illusion that he was her savior, and by extent, a pure and innocent soul dragged into a war – but now reality began to sink back in again.

The tension shifted in that very moment. The lightheartedness fell away as the air became thick between them, and she did not dare to look at him. She put her pear down on the table, like she no longer wanted the food he had offered her, and it cut him deeper than he would have dared to tell her. In that moment, he felt like he would change his entire past if he could avoid the look of disappointment on her face.

“I’m not a good man, Rey,” he admitted honestly, wondering where he found the courage to confess this to her. Perhaps the Force itself was guiding him. “I have killed and used the Dark Side of the Force. But I also know the Light… And I’m powerful… I could help you, if you let me… I _want_ to help you.”

She wasn’t looking at him, but instead gnawed at her lip, looking at the floor between them. Her brain was ringing every possible alarm bell it could, telling her that she was possibly in grave danger, but her heart didn’t seem to agree. She still felt calm and patient, like something was lulling her into a sense of safety.

To meet her eye, he suddenly knelt down in front of her, something he had only ever done to one other person – Snoke. But in that moment, she was more important than Snoke had ever been. He could sense it in the Force, and even if the Force would forgive him for losing this girl, he would never be able to forgive himself for the same. There was something about her that captivated him, something that inspired him to do the right thing for once in his life. He could not lose her without trying to win her over first.

Gulping shyly, he opened his hand as he reached out for hers, though he did not take her hand by force. “If… if you let me… perhaps I could help you find those memories that are lost to you?”

She was surprised by this offer and stared at his open hand. “You… you would do that for me?” she asked, incredibly confused. She did not understand how anyone would be willing to help her – a nobody, a scavenger – with anything.

The thought of learning more about her parents was alluring though, and she brought her hand closer to his, but halted before they were about to touch, narrowing her eyes suspiciously.

“And what would you want in return?” she asked slowly.

There had to be something he wanted from her. Something he had not dared to ask her yet. There always was. No one in this galaxy ever did anything for free – least of all the kind of people that were as powerful as him.

He considered her question for only a moment, then shook his head. “Nothing.”

She didn’t understand. Honestly, she had expected him to ask for a kiss – or much more than such an innocent thing. Yet from the innocent look in his eyes it seemed as though the thought hadn’t even crossed his mind, and she wondered if she was that unappealing to him. But at the same time, if she held no appeal whatsoever, then it made no sense that he offered her his help at all.

“Why… why help me?”

He hardly even understood it himself. But it felt like something he needed to do. Perhaps that was enough of an answer already.

“The Force wants me to.”

The look of confusion on her face told him that she did not understand.

“It was the Force that made me spare your life…” His voice was hardly more than a whisper, and he looked up at her as he was still sitting on one knee, still waiting for her hand.

But the small distance between their hands was too great – and it was like the Force gave him the final push that he needed to take her hand, and as he held her small hand in his gloved one, he could once more feel her warmth and light flowing through him. It distracted him for a moment, but the message was clear.

“The Force is pulling me closer to you,” he admitted in a whisper, and Rey did not pull away.

Strangely enough, she was feeling it too. This was what was keeping her so calm and giving her this sense of peace that she had felt before. The Force wanted her to trust him.

As he got up from his knee, he did not let go of her hand, their bodies only inches apart, and it was like the Force agreed with his decision to move closer to her. He almost felt like he was where he needed to be.

Rey was trembling – though no longer from the cold. Whatever it was he was talking about – this Force – she was feeling it inside of her and all over her skin. As she looked up at him, she felt paralyzed. Any other encounter of this sort would have had her punch the other in the face and run off, but not this one. He wasn’t telling her lies. There was sincerity in his words, not creepiness. And even if he sounded a little awkward, that was only a sign that it was a first for him too. Neither of them had ever felt something like this before. And she was starting to feel overwhelmed by something that felt so much bigger than herself. She could not – would not – leave or pull her hand from his.

Looking into his eyes, she noticed how intensely he was looking into hers, like he was trying to dissect her very soul.

“Are you trying to read my mind now?” Rey asked quietly, remembering stories of Jedi interrogation tactics where they pulled the information they wanted out of their captive’s minds. Was that what he was doing with his intense gaze?

“I can, if you want me to,” he replied gently, raising his free hand until it was at the level of her eyes.

She nodded, no longer afraid of accepting his help. This strange thing between them… It was destiny. Her heart and mind both agreed on that.

He was glad that she was giving him this opportunity to prove himself. He could help her and earn her complete trust that way. He would try his hardest not to disappoint her.

“Think of yourself as a child,” he encouraged her gently. “Think as far back as you can. Invite me in, and it won’t be painful to either of us.”

She had to do this. She would never get a better shot at finding out who her parents were. Taking a deep breath, she looked into his eyes, trying her hardest to invite him in – to see herself as a child, left behind in the company of Unkar Plutt.

It almost felt like Kylo was yanked from where he stood, and he saw her – a young Rey – screaming her lungs out as she watched a vessel leave the planet’s atmosphere.

“Come back!”

She was crying her little lungs out, and Unkar’s fat hands were wrapped tightly around her arm. The desperation of the little girl overwhelmed him, and though he had had every intention to steer the memory further back, he suddenly found himself knocked from that spot in the desert. He landed on a metal floor and groaned as he got up, noticing a slightly older Rey in his company, laying in a hammock at home in a dark, abandoned AT-AT while she was crying herself to sleep, her sobs of loneliness clawing at his own aching heart.

He should have focused more, but he was beginning to lose himself in her, unable to guide himself in any direction at all, the Force now leading him wherever it wanted him to be, tossing him next against a crate at Niima Outpost, and he saw her as a child, sitting in front of the crate, shuddering because she was starving from having so little to eat, crying desperate tears as she ate a small and simple roll as quickly as she could, afraid that the other scavengers would steal her food if she did not hurry up.

Then as he had just raised himself up to his full height, he found that he was now standing in the blistering desert sun as he bore witness to Rey, looking exactly as he knew her, sweating and aching as she dug a grave for a diseased resistance pilot. She had dragged the pilot’s lifeless body to its last resting place herself. No one was going to thank her for this. She did not know this man, but she was crying for him. Or perhaps she was just crying for herself and the cruelty of the world.

He wanted to reach out for her, to put his hand on her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her, but he could not stay. The Force did not allow it. The next moment, it was like the ground shook and he fell to the desert sand again, and as he looked up he saw her as a young teenager, fighting off other scavengers as they tried to make away with her loot. She was being beaten by adults, but she kept on getting back up again, using her stick to punch them in return and defend herself. Her anger in that moment surpassed that of his own, and completely overwhelmed, he tried to pull out of her thoughts.

But she did not want him to go just yet, not before she had seen her parents, and as she was hanging onto him, clenching around his presence, he yanked himself away. And this time, he accidentally pulled her along with him, into his own tumultuous thoughts.

She was watching _him_ now as he was kneeling in front of a large hologram of Snoke, his entire being wrapped in darkness, then the next moment, standing beside him as he stood in front of a fire, burning bodies, and she did not know how she knew it precisely, but she knew that it were his victims, people he had killed for the First Order. If she should have felt disgusted then, she didn’t. Instead she felt how utterly alone and miserable he felt, and all the disgust was his own. He hated himself.

Then, she found herself in a beautiful garden – the entire area so beautiful and green that it took Rey a moment before she actually noticed him. He was a little child now, trying to control the powers he was born with, levitating towards a tree, then painfully falling to the ground the next, and Rey gulped as a woman sped past her to console him. The woman with the beautiful long brown hair seemed worried sick about his rapidly increasing demonstrations of power.

Rey startled as the green and sunny garden changed into a dark desert village. She stood next to him as she witnessed him stab an old man with his lightsaber, but she could also sense how conflicted he was at the same time. Even if he wore the mask, she could feel how it devastated him to kill this person, and she knew it was a man he had once known under different circumstances.

The next moment they were on a rocky island as they both witnessed a Jedi, who seemed to be terrified of him, or perhaps of them both. Then, she found herself inside a ship’s cockpit, the same ship she had stolen from Unkar Plutt, with an even younger version of himself, hardly a teenage boy, screaming: “Get away from me! Don’t touch me!” to his own father, who stumbled backwards in fear. Only when the teenage boy started banging and kicking the walls in anger, did the man approach him again.

The moments were brief and incoherent, even briefer than the moments he had witnessed of her, and Rey found herself drowning in these feelings of helplessness and anger and fear and guilt that seemed to consume him, until she finally saw him as an adult again, at the center of a burning village, surrounded by Stormtroopers who murdered everyone in sight, and he was frozen in place, torn apart by the conflict within.

Then, he was a teenage boy again, in an empty room aboard a dark ship, trying his hardest not to cry himself to sleep, hitting his own head with his hands in order not to give in to the tears he wanted to shed.

Rey wanted to get out, she just wanted to escape from his pain, and it hurt as she tried to pull out, but not before she passed one last image, and it shocked her. It was a woman with brown hair – dressed like a princess – holding his hand while he was dressed so differently too – looking like light itself, and perhaps it was the most shocking thing she had seen so far. The woman laughed, and suddenly she realized it wasn’t a stranger.

It was her.

He pushed her out and they were both panting as she finally left his mind, stumbling backwards and severing the bond between them, and letting go of each other’s hands as though holding onto each other had been the biggest mistake they had ever made.

As Rey looked up at him, she saw his entire body was shaking. He looked absolutely devastated, too lost in his own thoughts to look at her for a few moments. When he finally directed his gaze at her, she saw nothing but shame, and it was almost like she could feel it too, like it was now hers as well.

Despite her own fear of falling back into those horrible memories, she found herself moving closer to him, reaching out for him, but he stumbled back, hissing “Don’t touch me!” as though a single touch would undo him completely.

She completely ignored his words as she grabbed his hand to hold him in place, then put her other hand on his cheek in an instinct, as though it was hardly her own will that made her do these things. She had never touched anyone so willingly before. This wasn’t her, was it? Yet it was. She was feeling more alive than ever, like she was finally awoken from a long and dull dream. Was this all even real?

As she stroked his cheek, a sudden sob broke his will and he harshly fell on his knees in defeat, feeling betrayed by the Force itself. But the Force was kinder than he would have given it credit for, for suddenly Rey’s arms were around him, holding him, and he clasped to her like a terrified child, crying and not fully realizing that Rey was feeling the same devastation, like something had broken down all her walls and made her life a joke. She could feel everything he was feeling, and the other way around. Did he even know where she began or he ended anyway?

As Rey had her eyes closed, she could feel the Force flowing through her, comforting her like a parent’s hug, warming her aching heart and pushing her closer to Kylo, who seemed to be calming down a little at the same time as she was. He looked at her with a bit of fear in his eyes – fear of being judged – but she did not need an apology or an explanation. He had been dark because darkness had sought him out. But right now, light was on their side, and the goodness inside of him was revealed. Drying his cheeks with her fingertips, he gulped heavily, looking at her as though he owned all the sadness in the universe.

Her touch was a reminder of his loneliness – but also of hers. He had seen it: she had cried herself to sleep – and he had spent so many years trying to keep from doing the same. They weren’t that different from each other at all, and it was a little frightening to find such a perfect mirror.

As she had dried his tears, he now dried hers, his gloved fingers tracing her jawline when he was done, investigating her face closer than he had ever done any other, and he knew that she was the girl – the girl from his dreams. She wasn’t just a scavenger. The Force had chosen her years ago, like it had chosen him, and he didn’t feel as alone once he realized that. It had to be destiny.

Rey realized the exact same thing. Destiny was on their side. She had felt the Force in her own soul and all its powers had reached out to her and invited her in.

But now, the Force was slowly leaving her again, leaving them both, but it had changed them none the less. Despite the darkness in him, she didn’t fear him at all. In fact, it was like she understood him better than she understood herself, and he felt the same way about her.

She wanted to get closer to him, and for the first time in her life, she embraced someone, hugging him tightly to her own body, and she was glad to feel how he held onto her in return.

He had worn layer upon layer of clothing each day of his adult life, with the purpose of concealing himself, so that no one would ever think about getting close to him. It had been his armor against affection, but now he was the one seeking out affection himself. He only regretted that he could not touch Rey with his own skin – that even his fingers were gloved and unable to truly sense her. The only part of his body that wasn’t covered was his face, and he missed her fingertips on his skin.

As he brought his face to hers, he just wanted to feel her touch, but that was not what she thought he wanted. She could feel his need for closeness, but she interpreted that need differently. When he wasn’t even expecting it, she pressed her lips to his, thinking that it was what he wanted.

Shocked by the sweet sensation, he froze completely. She was giving him a kiss, as innocent and light as she was herself, and he could hardly believe it himself.

Kylo knew one thing: the memories that she had witnessed of him had given her an image that couldn’t be far from the truth. The force had filled in the rest. She knew him now – she knew how he had succumbed to darkness so many times in his life and how he had struggled with the light and resisted it with all his might – yet she did not judge him or push him away. She was accepting him completely – even if he truly was a monster. Tears welled up in his eyes as he looked for her lips again, embracing her tightly as he kissed her, hoping she could feel his gratitude and affection, and she surprised him by returning the kiss just as affectionately, her hands now running through his hair as she kept him close.

She could feel how his cheeks were wet from tears as they kissed, and gently broke apart from him. She witnessed with pain in her eyes how he bit his lip in order not to start sobbing.

“Kylo, what’s wrong?” she asked sweetly, still holding him close, and he shook his head in agony.

“Everything,” he replied in a broken voice, closing his eyes for a moment. He could not bear the thought of looking at her right now, but he did want to tell her the truth. She would understand him. Even if he did not know her at all, he had felt that. This bond between them went two ways – and that meant that she felt the same compassion for him that he felt for her. “I’ve been angry at the universe for so many years… Angry at people and politics and the history of all of it… But now, I realize I should have been mad at myself. I fucked up, Rey. I really fucked up. I was reckless and naïve and made so many wrong decisions… And I don’t deserve you – I don’t deserve anything at all.” As he opened his eyes again, he looked at her, pleading for her wisdom. “I don’t know what to do…”

He was breathing irregularly as he admitted all of this, his mind in complete turmoil, and Rey wiped the tears from his cheeks as he was speaking, giving him her undivided attention as she shot him a compassionate gaze.

“Whatever it is you will do… you don’t need to do it alone, Kylo.”

Those words moved him. He hadn’t thought anything could make him feel better, but her words did offer him strength. He embraced her tightly, burying his face in her neck – and he relished the feeling of her fingertips in his hair, caressing his scalp.

“Will you help me?” he asked her softly, clinging to her.

She nodded. “Of course. Our paths are entwined now. I don’t think I’m supposed to leave you.” She felt how he hugged her harder at those words, and smiled to herself.

He suddenly sighed. “I wish I could just take you to the edge of the galaxy, where we could be alone, without having to worry or care about everything else.”

“Why don’t we?” Rey asked hopefully, not really seeing what was holding them back.

Kylo finally broke the hug, taking her hands in his and leading her to sit with him on the bunk bed, which she willingly did, wondering why he looked so grave all of a sudden.

“The First Order is going to destroy all of the Resistance if nobody stops them.”

Rey frowned, not sure what he meant.

“You think we have the power to stop them?” she asked, looking at him as though he had lost his mind. Even if the Force had granted her insight in his entire being, it had not given her the power to take on the entire universe. Or at least that was how she felt it.

Kylo hesitated for a moment, but then offered her a small smile. “We might be able to buy the Resistance more time if we warn them about what is to come. Perhaps the Resistance can take out Starkiller Base before it’s complete.”

“What’s Starkiller Base?” Rey asked him immediately, knowing that something with a name like that couldn’t be a good thing.

“It’s a massive weapon – able to destroy entire planets – at the same time, even. They will finish it any day now, and once they do, they’re going to take out five planets of the Republic, and everyone on it.”

Kylo gently raised his hand to her temple, and he said: “Let me show you, but… don’t cling to me, please.”

Rey chuckled at those pleading words, then opened her mind to him. “Go ahead…”

He was much gentler this time, and it was like she was walking around a massive First Order base all of a sudden, Stormtroopers all around her – the next moment, she was witnessing a holographic simulation with several generals of the First Order, and the next she was flying above the snowy planet in Kylo’s shuttle, seeing how large it truly was, and it was rather terrifying.

He carefully left her mind again, and she immediately frowned, trying to come up with a plan of action, but she had no idea how to proceed.

“Do you have friends among the Resistance?” she wondered. “We should tell them, but I don’t know how we can get word to them.”

Kylo shook his head. “Not friends… But family.”

“Will they believe you?”

He immediately nodded. “Yes. But getting to them will be tricky. Not to mention that the First Order will be on our heels if they notice my ship flying too close to Resistance territory.”

Rey’s eyes lit up. That was a problem they could easily overcome. “Then we just take another ship!”

He tilted his head curiously, wondering what she meant.

“We fix the Millennium Falcon and head straight for their space! If it was Han Solo’s ship, they won’t stop us, will they?”

Kylo shook his head, frowning now. He was rather suspicious. “That magnetic storm broke quite a lot. How are we going to get the ship ready to fly if we don’t have all the right components?”

Rey shrugged. “It can’t be that hard. Some crucial bits broke down, but there’s nothing we can’t fix if we replace it with parts from your ship. I know I can do it, but I just need several hours. We get started fixing that leak, and afterwards we work on the hyperdrive and navigation and shields. I’m sure we can do it.”

Strangely enough, as he heard her enthusiasm while she talked about it, he could see her plan working. He had never been one for optimism, but it was like she had left an imprint in his mind and personality, and he was now able to see their plan in action already.

He was nervous though. If they went through with all of this, if their plan worked, then he would be turning his back on the First Order and returning to the Resistance. If someone had told him earlier that morning what he was about to do, he would have declared that person insane for even suggesting such a treachery. But now, it seemed like the only right path to take, and it would be the only path he would take. It was finally clear to him where he needed to go.

He never would have dared anything as bold before he met her. The Force really had changed him this day. But it wasn’t a completely illogical turnaround for him. He had not been particularly happy with the First Order and he had had his doubts for years. He had held onto his beliefs, for they had been all he had had. But he had been unable to justify all the killings and suffering he had made people endure, and it was about time he ended that madness.

Sometimes it had been easier than other times, but too often had he had to kill innocent bystanders for being just that – bystanders that had witnessed First Order business. His doubts about the direction of the First Order had only grown as he had learned of the construction of Starkiller Base. Billions of people were going to lose their lives once that base became operational. Eventually, that base would destroy the galaxy as it now existed, just to make room for the First Order’s rule. Beautiful planets would cease to be, their entire population and history erased in a matter of seconds.

There was no doubt about it that the First Order would wipe out his family and destroy his old homes – the planets on which he had spent his childhood. His entire history would be gone. And Snoke had tried to convince him that this would be a good thing, which would finally give him the opportunity to embrace the dark side of the Force, but he was starting to realize that he wasn’t ready to let go of the Light. Not now, not ever. Not with Rey by his side. He was unwilling to be reborn without a past, like Snoke wanted. He was going to fix the mess of a life he had left and he would return to the light – with Rey to guide him.

“Well?” she eventually asked him, licking her lips as she offered him an excited grin. “Shall we do this?”

He could not help but smile as he heard her say ‘we’.

“Yes,” he decided. “Yes. Let’s do this.”


	3. Chapter 3

It was incredible to see Rey work on the Millennium Falcon. In less than thirty minutes, she was able to fix the leak, and an hour later they no longer needed the oxygen masks. He was able to keep up with what she was doing, but he had to admit that she was faster than him. While he was still busy perceiving a problem, she already had half the solution implemented.

“Can you pass me that Harris wrench?”

Rey had opened one of the conduits and was working on the hyper drive now, but Kylo’s thoughts were elsewhere.

As he took the wrench in his hands, he did not move over to her just yet.

“You can get it yourself,” he murmured, lost in thought.

Rey frowned and looked at him, wondering what he was on about. “Yeah, but since you have it in your hand now… could you pass it to me?”

She seemed a little frustrated, but he shook his head, realizing he hadn’t explained himself at all.

“No, I mean… With the Force. You can float it to you.”

Rey looked at him as though he had lost his mind. “Me? Use the Force?”

Kylo nodded quickly, a little surprised that she did not fully seem to realize what her powers entailed. “Yeah.”

Rey suddenly laughed. “You’ve got to be kidding. I can’t use the Force like that.”

“I beg to differ,” he argued politely. “Maybe you never learned how to do it, but I bet you can. You’re practically brimming with power right now. I can feel it. I’ve met a few Force users in my lifetime, but never have I felt the Force overflow with someone as it does with you right now.”

It was difficult for Rey to believe that. Truthfully, she had felt changed the moment she had awoken in his arms, and she had really felt the Force in the moment he had entered her mind, but did that mean that she could do all that magic that Jedi’s and Sith were known for?

As he offered her the wrench without stepping closer, Rey hesitated.

Part of her wanted to laugh it off, but another part of her wanted to try. What if it worked? It certainly wouldn’t hurt her to indulge him.

She extended her hand, the wrench only an arm’s length away from her fingertips now, and she focused on its cool metals. She did not know how she managed to do it, but a part of her sensed Kylo’s belief in her, and that was the moment that it worked. The wrench flew into her hand, and her mouth dropped as she looked at it.

Kylo grinned, pleased that she had been able to do it. “You’re so strong with the Force. I’m almost jealous. It took me ages to learn that.”

He could not help but feel like perhaps she was as gifted as his grandfather had been - like Darth Vader - overflowing with Force powers in a way that he could only dream of. He himself had been very powerful as a child, and he had heard his mother and father whisper that perhaps his power was more like his grandfather's and less like his uncle's. They had not meant for him to overhear any of that, and they had always whispered about it like it was something they should not talk about. He knew they had not talked about Bail Organa in that moment, but that had only made the memories of those secret conversations stronger. He had not known the identity of his grandfather at that time - he had only learned much later, when he was already an adult - under rather unpleasant circumstances. But now that he saw Rey he felt in his gut that he hadn't been as gifted as Darth Vader had been with the Force, despite his parents' fear. He truly hadn’t been so gifted – but Rey was.

Rey didn't know how to respond to the fact she was a Force user and only smiled because she figured it was the polite thing to do. The light didn't quite reach her eyes and she looked troubled more than anything else. She had no idea what to think of her new gift. She had always assumed the Force was a mythical thing. How could she be made out of the stuff legends were made from? She knew herself - there was nothing special about her. It seemed like an impossible idea that she was anything other than plain.

Frustrated by the impossibility of it all, she elected to ignore this new knowledge. Instead, she turned away from Kylo and tried to distract herself by continuing her repairs. She had to keep her focus if they wanted to make it out soon.

He noticed how she was frowning as she continued her work and decided to let her be for now. He could feel how it was difficult for her to accept this change straight-away, though she was doing a pretty good job at handling all these novelties.

“The main computer should be able to get up again now,” Rey muttered as she closed one of the hatches, and Kylo nodded.

“I’ll go and check.”

As he headed towards the cockpit to start everything up again, he tried to imagine what the next days would look like for them. Once the Millennium Falcon was fixed, they could make a light-speed jump to Alliance territory. But then what? He didn't know where he could find his mother, and he knew that she was the only one who would hear him out.

Thing was, he knew that if he remained dressed as he was, that he wouldn't get away with it. He'd have to lose the mask, and preferably the robes as well. If he didn't, he'd get recognized. The First Order had a rather outspoken style compared to the rebellion, and they'd know straight away he wasn't one of them. He couldn’t afford to surrender to strangers. If that happened, the First Order would find him before he could be of help to the Resistance, he was sure of it. The only way this could work, was if he remained anonymous until he found his mother. Her word carried some weight, and as a general, she could set a counter-attack in motion in a matter of hours, long before the First Order knew what was going on.

As he restarted the computer, the lights came on again. Several systems of the old ship required some booting time and so he left the cockpit again, moving into one of the storage areas. He started checking the lockers for anything that could be of use, but they all seemed to be empty. Eventually he came across the locker that had once belonged to his father. It had a rather complicated lock on it - the kind that could blow up in your face if you used the wrong code. Thermal detonators were nothing to mess with aboard a spacecraft, yet that had never stopped Han Solo from installing one to keep nosy crewmen out of his private property. Luckily, Kylo remembered the code and wondered if his father had ever changed it after they had parted ways.

He wasn't scared of the system blowing up in his face - he'd be able to use the Force to keep the blast in check, especially since he was aware of the risk - but he wondered if Unkar Plutt had never bothered to open the locker. If he had managed to hack into it, he would have changed the code himself, and whatever code he entered now would be wrong then. Not to mention that it would be all for naught and that the locker would be empty. But to Kylo’s knowledge, these sorts of locks weren’t easy to hack, and only a fool would try.

He didn’t mind being a fool.

He entered the code he remembered, and to his great relief the locker clicked open, giving him access to its contents.

It was as though no time had passed at all. While the rest of the ship had aged and withered because of the Jakku sands, the contents of the locker had remained untouched. Kylo's curiosity increased as he saw what treasures Han Solo had stored away all those years ago. On the bottom, there was an empty holster for a blaster, as well as some spare clothes and a small pouch filled with old credits. But it was on the metal plank above that, that he found the true treasures. He was surprised by the amount of holographs his father had kept. He had never imagined him to be such a sentimental man, and as he activated one, it came as quite a shock to him when he recognized himself, sitting on his mother's lap while his father and uncle sat beside them. He hadn’t been older than five there and he had looked happy.

He had never even realized anyone had made this holograph, nor could he remember the day it was made. He certainly had never seen it afterwards. Had his father kept it in this locker all that while?

As he continued going through the holographs, he found many of people he did not know – students of his father and racing friends, but there were also holographs of Chewbacca and other friends and crewmates, another one of his mother, and another one of him when he was about eight years old. His gaze looked troubled there. Snoke had already been a friend, and simultaneously his joy for life had slowly disappeared. Nothing could have illustrated that more than the sadness and anger in his young eyes.

How he had been so blind and stupid, he did not know. He had longed for a sense of belonging for as long as he could remember, and Snoke had offered him a home in the dark side. Perhaps it was in the darkness that he had finally felt accepted for who he was, something he could not say for his past with his own family.

Yet at the same time, his life under Snoke’s thumb had lacked joy and warmth. Snoke had made him believe that those things weren’t worth pursuing for a Knight of Ren, and that it would not grant him happiness. Yet he was now painfully aware how far his dark path had driven him from anything resembling joy. Hate and anger had only ever fueled themselves, and in his current state of mind he felt nothing but resentment for Snoke. Perhaps it was true what the old man had said, and he wasn’t Jedi material, but he’d be damned if he continued on the path the Supreme Leader had presented him. He was tired of being used for another’s agenda.

Unable to contain the frustration inside of him, he suddenly walked away and punched one of the lockers – not once, but at least a dozen times, until the locker rattled under stress, and he was grunting in frustration as the pain this caused him fueled his anger even more.

Rey rushed into the storage room at the sound of something banging into metal, and was rather shocked to see it was Kylo who was taking out his rage on a locker.

“Kylo!”

As he turned his head and saw her shocked expression, a feeling of shame overwhelmed him. How was he even going to explain this outburst of anger to her?

“What’s wrong?” she continued as she noticed his hesitation. Her voice was a little softer, though she kept her distance, her gaze wary as she looked at him.

He gulped and turned his back on her, clenching his fists as he tried to figure out what to say.

“Nothing,” he muttered. “I was just looking for some different clothes to wear.”

Rey raised an eyebrow at those words. “And punching these lockers was helping in what way precisely?”

He felt like an idiot and shook his head. “I can’t help it, Rey.” He turned around and looked at her. She only reminded him of how far he had fallen. Like him, she wanted to belong, yet she had never given into everything dark and evil in the universe to get there. It only made his self-loathing grow. “I’m just angry… have been forever. And I need to take it out on something.” He was trembling, his brow furrowed as he looked her in the eye, trying not to crack.

“What happens if you don’t take it out on something?” Rey wondered, watching him curiously as she took a few steps closer, only stopping when she was standing close enough to take his hand, and when she did, he suddenly shuddered.

His breath hitched in his throat. “I… I think I’ll break.”

“Then break,” Rey whispered, not taking her eyes off his. “If this is a regular thing for you – and I believe it is – then maybe it’s time to break – and to allow yourself to change into something new.”

He had never allowed himself to crack before – Snoke never would have condoned that. Instead he had been taught to fuel the anger inside. But maybe she was right. Her words, like before, once more made a remarkable amount of sense to him. Not to mention that he was finally realizing how listening to Snoke had only caused him pain. He had been a fool not to see that sooner.

He could feel an ache in his heart clawing to get out – but could he really allow Rey to see him so weak? He wanted to be strong, like a mentor was supposed to be. He wanted nothing more than to show her the ways of the Force, but how would she ever be able to take him seriously if he ended up a blubbering mess in front of her? That thought alone added to the helplessness and anger that he felt. The biggest part of him still wanted to step away from her and take out his anger on the lockers, and the only thing stopping him was the idea that Rey would hate him for it. She would not accept it, much like he could remember his parents never accepting strong displays of emotion.  

“I’m being torn apart,” he said emotionally, though he tried to keep his face as straight as possible.

“I know,” she replied softly. “I felt it, when we… when we were bonded.”

The way she said that last word made him look up at her. He had assumed it before – but if she had experienced it in the same way he had, then it was true: there was a Force bond between them. One that was much stronger than the bond between himself and Snoke, or the one he had had with his mother. He would have never guessed that he would find someone in his life to share such a strong connection with – and he was glad it was her.

“Did you… did you feel like you were me, in a way?” he wondered, remembering how he had felt her own emotions so strongly that he had been completely overwhelmed.

She nodded briefly, looking at him curiously and wondering if he had felt the same.

“I felt it too,” he admitted. “What you felt, I mean. How alone you felt, how afraid and angry… And even now, I wish to help you, but how can I help you if I can’t even help myself?”

The desperation in his tone had a hint of anger, and Rey simply put her hand on his cheek, something which had the instant effect of calming him down. She looked for his eyes as she offered him a sad smile.

“Kylo, maybe you’re not supposed to help yourself.” She was a little mesmerized by the way he leaned into her hand, with more trust than she ever would have expected to gain from anyone – least of all from a man like him. She regained her focus though and continued bravely: “Maybe I’m not able to help myself either. Perhaps only together, we’ll figure it out. They say that two can accomplish more than one.”

“I’ve never been much of a team player,” he admitted sheepishly, putting his hand on hers to keep it on his skin a while longer.

She chuckled. “Nor have I… I think I’ve already said more to you than I’ve said to any other person in my entire life. And we’ve only known each other for a few hours, most of which I’ve spent in silence, repairing the ship.”

As he noticed the amused twinkle in her eyes, he offered her a smile. It was incredible that he was the one she would confide in. In the First Order, it had been one of his main jobs to drag secrets out of prisoners, but Rey, she would tell him anything he wanted to know, out of her own free will, and all he needed to do was ask. It was new to him, to say the least.

“Are you feeling a little calmer again?” she asked when she noticed his smile, and he nodded.

He did miss her hand on his cheek when she pulled away, but did not let go of her just yet, trying to keep her close a little while longer.

“Strangely enough, yes. I do feel calmer now… Thanks to you. It’s like you pass your own peace of mind onto me, without me even noticing it. I hope I didn’t pass my anger onto you?”

She shook her head, not removing her hand from his as they talked. “I sensed it,” she admitted. “But it didn’t become my own. I think it’s still in you, just buried again, and it will probably come out at a later time.”

Kylo sighed. Once more she seemed to understand him clearer than he did himself. He wondered how she could be so clever after living a life of isolation, and as he shook his head, she suddenly replied: “I read a lot of computer logs and archives on Jakku. You’d be surprised what you pick up from the right literature.”

As he looked at her with wide eyes, her own mouth suddenly dropped.

“You didn’t even say that out loud, did you?” she asked as realization dawned, and as he shook his head, her mouth remained open in confusion.

"Are you in my head?" he asked, a hint of fear in his voice. How was she even able to do that without him noticing? If she was able to do this, did that mean that Snoke could as well? Was that how he had been able to influence him so strongly?

He let go of her hand now, feeling rather uneasy.

She shot him a suspicious gaze. "Who says you aren't in mine instead?"

He grunted as he stepped away from her and started pacing. He hoped that the distance between them would create some distance in their minds as well. "You heard my thoughts?" he asked her, and she immediately nodded.

"If you were wondering how I could be so clever after living a life of isolation, then yes... I heard those words as though you were saying them out loud. Except your lips didn't move and I didn't realize that until after I had already replied to you."

She could feel how the anger was rising in him, and like him, she sought out some distance, moving to the other side of the room, wondering if this was a normal thing for Force users. If it was, it did not explain why he reacted so strongly to it, and she witnessed him as he paced across the room a few more times, his shoulders bent while his hands were balled into fists. She could sense how he wanted to punch something again, and when he suddenly looked at her, she tried something else to divert his attention.

With all her concentration, she thought the following words – and she tried to project them into his mind, believing that it would work: _Kylo – do you hear me?_

He stopped in his steps and gulped, looking at her with a terrified expression. For a moment she feared it had not worked, until she heard him in her head too.

_Yes – how are you even doing this, Rey?_

_Same way you are, Kylo. Just thinking it._

Unwilling to practice this new talent of his, he closed his eyes, afraid to look at her as he tried to undo this link. He spoke the next words out loud: "I never even knew this was possible!"

Whatever this power was, it was new and terrifying to him, and he did not want to make a habit out of using it.

Rey didn't appear to be equally frightened of their new talent though.

"You don't know other Jedi's that do this?" she wondered softly.

"Not like this," he replied straight-away. "I have always thought I already had some force bonds in my life - with Snoke, or my mother. But that was never like this… In Snoke's case, I have always been able to pick up on his anger. In my mother's case, her sadness, but with you... it's everything! Complete sentences and the smallest nuances in your emotions…"

While he was rather terrified, she only seemed to grow more excited.

“Why would it be a bad thing? This… Force bond..." she said slowly, trying out the words on her lips. "So how do they even come to be? Are they like a gift from the Force?"

"I don't know," he muttered in a defeated tone, and he sunk down on the floor with his back against one of the lockers, taking his head in his hands for a few moments, trying to find some composure but failing. "I have heard stories of Force bonds - I know my mother had one with her twin brother - but I thought that was just because they were twins - I mean... they've spent nine months in the same womb.” He looked up at Rey with desperation in his eyes, like it was a plea for her to say this Force bond wasn’t as strong as it was. “Once when my uncle was in danger, my mother picked up on it and was able to save him. He called out to her, using the Force. But that was in a time of heightened emotional stress. I don't see how this compares."

"You're not emotional, is what you're saying?" Rey asked slyly, grinning for a moment as she noticed how he turned red in the face at that remark. She knelt down in front of him, hoping he did not feel threatened by her presence.

He was slightly offended, but he could not help but agree with her. If he was a bit more level-headed, perhaps they wouldn't have even noticed the force bond between them. Maybe he was the only cause for the mess he was in.

Feeling the self-blame consume him in that moment, Rey inched closer to him again, just wanting to comfort him. She took his hand and offered him a brave smile, but in the meanwhile she was also thinking over his words. Curiously, she suddenly remarked: "But if your mother and uncle were force-sensitive, does that mean they were Jedi?" Reminding herself that Kylo had a dark streak in him, she quickly added, trying not to put any judgement in her tone: "Or Sith?"

He did not mind her phrasing of that question - or answering it, and that was something that surprised even him. He got up from the floor again and headed to his father’s locker to take out the holograph of his family as it once had been. As he turn it on again, he stared at it for a small moment before he offered it to Rey.

As she approached him and took the holograph from his hand, her mouth dropped a little.

"That's you," she realized, immediately noticing the big round ears he had in the holograph, and she wasn’t particularly subtle as she looked up at him, only now noticing that those same ears were still there, just covered by his thick hair. She thought it was cute.

Looking back at the holographic image, she studied the other faces of his family members, and she was reminded of what she had seen in his thoughts. She stood in stunned silence for a while before she continued: "This ship... I saw you on it... with this man - your father. You were angry and afraid, and you told him not to touch you, and he..." The images she had seen before seemed to flood back as they both thought about it, and she suddenly continued, picking up on a thought of his: "Your father - is he Han Solo? _The_ Han Solo, the smuggler?"

For the past decade he had tried to deny that truth to everyone he knew, but to Rey, he couldn't. He wouldn't. What was the sense of denying it to her while he could not deny it to himself?

"He is," he admitted.

“And this man… He is a Jedi,” she remarked as she pointed to the other man on the holograph, remembering him from his memories as well.

“Luke,” Kylo said softly. “My uncle.”

They stood close to one another in the dark locker room, the blue light of the holograph illuminating both their faces. But Kylo was no longer looking at the holograph, he was looking at Rey. Part of her was delighted to see the faces of his father, mother and uncle. They had been legends to her before, but now they were becoming actual people. He remembered when he had thought so highly of his own family, but that illusion had shattered long ago.

Even more realization dawned to Rey, and her mouth dropped once more. “Luke Skywalker?” Of course she knew his name, there wasn’t a person in the universe that had not heard of the last Jedi. But she had never learned that he had a sister. What had she missed precisely? “And this woman – your mother – she is also a Jedi? His sister?”

“She’s not really a Jedi. It was her choice not to pursue the further development of her Force powers.”

Rey couldn’t take her eyes off the small holograph. He came from such an amazing family. Even before they had met, she had heard the names of Luke Skywalker and Han Solo. But who was the woman then? She didn’t know any female Skywalkers. “What is her name?” she asked out loud.

“Leia,” Kylo answered honestly, not taking his eyes off her as he watched her examine the holograph like it was one of her own heirlooms, not his father’s.

As she suddenly knew where she knew that name from, she gasped. “Leia the Hutt Slayer?! She is your mother?!”

Kylo frowned. It was the first time he had heard anyone utter that particular title for his mother – and he had heard plenty of titles for her in his lifetime.

“Hutt Slayer?” he repeated incredulously, and now it was Rey who looked a little self-conscious about her choice of words.

“Well… That’s the story that sticks with you when you grow up on Jakku and you face the likes of Unkar Plutt on a daily basis,” she explained defensively. Unlike Leia, she’d never been able to choke her slaver with a chain. He had been a little smarter than Jabba and had always protected himself. Not just that, but surviving had always been more important than revenge to her. Attacking Unkar would not have been wise.

"It's not that I never heard of her as a princess or a general, but killing a Hutt... That's something that most princesses don't do. That's a far bigger inspiration to someone like me."

It pleased Kylo that she seemed so impressed by his mother, and he had a small smile on his lips.

"If I may ask..." she continued carefully, unable to stop wondering about him. “Why did you join the Dark side? Your mother, father and uncle were all heroes of the Resistance. Why did you choose such a different path?”

He sighed. He wasn't particularly eager to talk about it. He wasn’t sure if she would understand him completely – not unless she wanted the same things in life that he did. Hoping he could figure out what that was, he asked: "Would you find it easy to reply to why you chose to remain on a planet like Jakku?"

"I was waiting for my family!" she replied immediately. "That's an easy question."

"Is it though?" he asked her, narrowing his eyes as he looked at her. "Why would you wait for a family you don't even know is alive anymore?"

Rey was a bit annoyed by his insinuation. She didn't like to believe that her family was dead and her shoulders tensed.

"Why wait for them and spend years in isolation instead of taking your life into your own hands?” he continued. “What were you waiting for all that time?"

"My family!" she replied again, not understanding what he was getting at.

"But what do they mean to you if you don't even know them?" he asked slowly.

“I imagine… They... they would... care for me!" she replied, uncertain now at the same time.

"Would they though? They certainly haven't the past years,” he said cruelly, and he knew that Rey disliked him severely for saying that, he could sense it. But he honestly wasn’t trying to insult her, he was trying to get somewhere. And he knew he was succeeding. It was obvious that she had not realized yet that he was playing her – he had made her a little too emotional for that.

“You're more than capable of taking care of yourself, Rey,” he continued with a small smile. “What is it that these people you don’t know could give you that was worth waiting for?"

She gulped as she thought about it for a moment, but then her gaze hardened. She didn’t like his tone or his questions much, but she thought she had figured it out now. Her voice was cold as stone as she replied.

"Love."

In contrast to hers, his voice sounded warm. "And what is love to you?"

She was quiet for a few moments, mulling it over in her mind, and when she replied, her voice was hardly more than a whisper: "It's accepting people as they are... and spending time with them."

"There's your answer," he said slowly, and as he noticed her confused expression, he grinned and continued: "To the question you asked before… Why I chose the dark side.”

She was still a bit confused, but now she realized that he had asked those rude questions because he had tried to make a point. He had just wanted to have her on the same page as him – and he had succeeded.

"Not just that... I suppose I should tell you this too..." He only dared to look at her for a moment before he continued. "I thought this secret had spread throughout the entire galaxy already but apparently I was wrong. My mother and my uncle, they are the children of Darth Vader..."

For a moment she stared at him in disbelief, convinced he would tell her he was joking, but as his gaze remained serious, she realized it wasn't a joke at all, and she didn't know what to say.

"He's my grandfather," Kylo continued in a tone that one could almost describe as casual. "I never knew. But it did explain some things in my youth - like the fear my parents had when I started developing my powers - and their fierce reactions to my strong displays of emotions. They were afraid I was like him. Perhaps I am."

He cast down his eyes as he admitted this, and then continued: “My family didn't accept me as I was... and they certainly didn't spend much time with me. My mother was a Senator, my father traveled across the galaxy, smuggling, racing, whatever his fancy was for that time... Mother wanted me to be a Jedi like my uncle, but father said I had too much darkness in me, and he didn't like the idea of me training in the Force. I think he would have liked me to be a pilot, but I just never felt like that was what I was supposed to be. They couldn't agree on my future and I couldn't agree with them. Eventually, they sent me to my uncle to train with him, but I was a disappointment to him too. My focus was always off because I just felt like a failure - like I wasn't living up to the expectations of these legends I grew up with. And as I saw my mother and father arguing and bickering and growing apart I realized that they weren’t the great people others thought them to be. Not just that, but they kept secrets from me – lied to me. They never told me about my grandfather… And if you can’t even trust your own family…” He said that like that settled it – like he had never needed another reason to turn on his family. “At least the Dark Side was willing to accept me – both the light and dark side of me. It offered me an acceptance my family never had. They gave me the room to do what I wanted to do – to take what I wanted – and to become stronger. They respected me. They welcomed me. At least there I felt accepted for who I was – for a while. But lately, I haven’t felt at home there either."

“Why not?” Rey wondered.

“In a way I realize I’m being treated well for a member of the First Order. But all we do is destroy in the name of Snoke. All that matters is his will. And he might pretend that he is a friend – I’ve been feeling like I’m being used. Like he doesn’t truly listen. He just wants me to think like him. He’s no better than my family.”

“Even after all those years, you’re still angry with your family,” Rey said slowly, but he shook his head.

“Not so much angry as I feel disappointed. I was never what they wanted me to be, and they weren’t what I wanted them to be either. I always felt out of place in my family, so when I learned their biggest secret - that my grandfather had been Darth Vader - I wasn't even appalled. Strangely enough, it finally made sense. The darkness within me - the power - perhaps even the emotions. I got that from him. I wanted to learn more about him, to understand him better. What I found was that he was misunderstood – even by my mother – and I tried to do right by him.”

Rey found that a strange sentiment – to do right by someone who had been dead for so long. Not just that, but Darth Vader wasn’t really a person she would consider a role model.

“Thing is, my sentiment towards Darth Vader has been one of the things that Snoke abused in order to get me to do his bidding. I always thought I had some free will in the First Order – but have lately learned that that’s an illusion. Snoke knew my grandfather. He lured me in with stories where my grandfather wasn’t pure evil – where he was brilliant and resourceful and respected – even where he was loved - and I wanted to be like that. And so I turned on my own family…”

“How did they take it?” Rey wondered, but Kylo just shook his head, biting back tears for a moment.

“I don’t know. I know my mother is still a general, at least according to some intelligence reports… as for my father… I don’t know. I didn’t even know he had lost the Falcon. I assume he’s still alive. I think I would have heard if he had died.”

To Rey, it was a strange thought that he had turned from his own parents while she had dreamed all her life of finding her own. Would she have done the same if she had not felt loved by her parents?

She could not help but wonder if Kylo’s path to darkness could have been avoided if his parents had been different with him.

“Your parents… When you were younger… What did you want them to be?” Rey’s voice was soft again, trying to put herself in his shoes as she listened to him. Part of her felt like he was the most complex being in the entire universe, and she just wanted to see him happy. But before she’d be able to help him, she would need to understand him. Luckily, Kylo talked to her like he had never talked to anyone before. He’d never felt as free to speak his mind, unjudged, even.

“I just wanted them to be there for me, but they weren’t. Snoke was. And I know that he does not truly care for me – not much. It’s not any form of love that he feels for me. It wasn’t pity that made him take me under his wing. He just wanted to use me – he already has. And I have lied to myself about that for too long. I thought he actually cared, but Snoke is much worse than my parents ever were. Perhaps my parents just didn’t know any better than to live the lives they had led during the war… Mother was never able to get over politics and spent more time in the Senate than she did with me. And father needed his freedom and adventures more than he needed me in his life. And part of me hates them both for that. If they had been there for me, Snoke wouldn’t have been able to dig his claws into me and perhaps I could have been a better person than I am now.”

As he looked at Rey, he suddenly noticed that she was crying. He had not seen that coming, even with their Force Bond. Something he had said had moved her to tears, and he felt bad because of it.

Noticing his compassionate gaze, Rey explained her own sadness: “Perhaps my parents were like yours. Did they ever even really want me? They may have had their own lives… and perhaps I was only getting in their way. Maybe I wasn’t what they wanted me to be. Maybe that’s why they dropped me off on Jakku and then never came back.”

He felt his own heart break for Rey in that moment, and had his arms gently wrapped around her the next. “If that is truly what happened, then they were idiots not to want you,” he said softly, and he felt how she was crying against him now.

As sadness overwhelmed Rey in that moment, Kylo could do nothing but embrace her. He truly felt sorry for her. She had deserved so much better than to be left alone on a desolate planet like Jakku. As an adult she did not deserve that, but as a child even less. What had gone on in her parents' minds to do this? His desire to know what her parents had been thinking matched her own. 

It was ironic, he thought, that while he had been so caught up in the loathing he felt for his family, she had been so thoroughly reminded of her own misery. Now she was crying and inconsolable, and he wasn't sure what he could say to justify what her parents had done, or to justify the way he had talked about his own problems while it seemed that what her parents had done had been so much worse. The only thing that would justify the action of leaving a toddler on Jakku would be if they had helped her escape death or imprisonment that way, and had been unable to retrieve her later on. Still, it was a cruel fate, and though it was hard for him to admit it: it was a crueler fate than his own.

"Don't cry," he soothed her softly, only because he had always been told not to. He let his gloved hand run over her hair, careful not to mess up her buns at the same time as he was trying to show her that he was there for her. 

He wanted to offer her words of advice, to show her that he understood what she was feeling. She had been such a patient and understanding listener while he had talked about himself, and he wanted to return the favor.

After a few moments that they spent in silence, simply embracing each other, he continued: "We can't control our past... Only our future. Let us not shed tears about what we cannot change." That was rich - especially coming from him, he thought bitterly. But perhaps it was the truth. The time to move on had come, now more than ever.

"I will care for you," he promised, feeling how small her frame was as it shook against his. "I will teach you what I know and spend time with you and accept you as you are. I won't leave you, I promise."

Rey had never realized how much she had needed anyone to say those words to her. She was unable to stop crying now and hugged him tightly. He would love her - or perhaps he had already begun to. Though one part of her found it hard to believe that anyone could ever care for her, the other part clung to him in desperation, wanting to believe him with every fiber of her being.

It was a day of revelations to her. Not only had she discovered that she was a Force-user, and that Kylo was a descendant of the biggest legends in the universe, but she was also learning that she actually liked hugs. His hugs, at least.

She had always dismissed all forms of touch - had fought to keep people's hands off her, even with those that had meant no harm to her - yet now, she realized that she had never felt safer than she did at that particular moment in Kylo's arms. It took all her willpower to leave him again, and she offered him a shy smile, convinced she had to have been bothering him by taking up his time and personal space in that way, and assuming that he had been too polite to remark on it. 

"Thank you," she said quietly, her cheeks still wet from her tears. "You have no idea what your words mean to me."

"I have an inkling," he replied with a small, brave smile, holding his own hand over his heart, and Rey realized that he was feeling her emotions in the Force bond between them as though they were his own. It was a strange notion - that a man who had been just a stranger to her several hours before was now her closest friend - almost like another part of herself. She had never been more unwilling to return to her solitary lifestyle than she was in that moment. At the same time, her fear of abandonment had never been greater, and she realized how dangerous it was to feel that way. She wasn't sure she would survive being left behind one more time. It didn't feel like she would. 

For years she had felt like a rock - steady and strong - yet now she felt emotional and weak. Perhaps that was a part of him that was rubbing off on her. He was far more emotional than she was.

"Are you alright?" he asked carefully, and as she nodded he did not dare to argue with her. She didn't look as alright as she claimed to be, and he could feel just as well as her that she could break if he pushed it further. 

"Just tired," she muttered, averting her eyes.

He nodded in an understanding way. "You need sleep."

"I need to fix this ship," Rey insisted, feeling like they had lost too much time already. She would not have wanted to miss this conversation with Kylo, but it had been wrong to indulge in these talks for so long. They really needed to get back to work.

"Then I will get you some food," Kylo decided, feeling like it was the only thing he could get her to make her feel a little better.

He wasn't sure what else she needed to do before the Millennium Falcon could travel at light-speed again, but he would give her the time to figure it out. As she headed out of the storage room again, he closed up the locker. He would bask in the treasures and holographs of the locker another time - perhaps with Rey by his side. But for now, dwelling on the past was a dangerous thing. They needed to focus instead. They had lost too much time already. He had sensed that Rey felt that way, and he had to agree. They needed to go before the First Order grew curious about his absence. It was half a miracle that they hadn't popped up already.


End file.
